The Love Challange

I don't know if any of you remember that a few posts ago I wrote about a book called "I Dared to Call Him Father" and though it's been a while since I finished that book but some parts of it are still being mulled over in my head.

One part was about the great forgiveness and love the author displayed towards those who have hurt her. The Bible has lots to say and demonstrate about forgiveness. Jesus forgave those who were killing him and the apostles were forgiving of their persecutes and there are many, many verses about it.

Luke 6:37 (NIV) "...Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Mat 6:14-15 (NIV) "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

Mark 11:25 (NIV) "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

Now I've never really had a problem forgiving people and loving people but I was so moved by this author really learning to love her enemy that I wished I had someone I hated so I could experience God's love by learning to love an enemy. What could be more pure and moving and a better example to me of how great God's love is and of how unworthy I am then that? But I thought to myself comfortably, that's not an option for me b/c as I stated before I don't really have anyone I hate or can't forgive. And now this is where God's sense of humour pops in when I can almost here in my mind 'There is one you hold on anger towards. There is one that maybe you hate'.

Boom! Just like that, my lofty ideas of enveloping myself in God's love goes out the window as I start to whine about how much I do not want to love this guy and how much I do not want to forgive him. You see while I can more easily forgive those who have hurt me, I find myself harboring ugly feelings for this guy who has hurt my friend and continues to do so. When I want nothing more then to punch him in the face, God is telling me to love him???!! I did not realize how deep my feelings of dislike and probably even hatred go until I started this.

So this is my project, to love this guy. To forgive him. And let me tell you this will not be easy. So reluctant am I to do this that I hate even writing these words. So I need your help, if anybody is actually reading this. Pray for me to open my heart, pray for me to really experience forgiveness for this man. How can I be forgiven if I refuse to forgive? How can I claim to be a christian and doing God's will if I have such resentment in my heart?

Each day I will pray. I will pray for patient and love and for my heart to be open and I will pray for blessings on this guy and him to find God's love. I will pray till I love him and want God's love for him. I will pray till I no longer feel this knot in my heart over this and then I will keep on praying.

And I hope you all will pray with me.

Luke 6:27-37 (NRS) "But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you... Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same... But love your enemies, do good... and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful... Forgive, and you will be forgiven."

Roller Derby Witnessing

In my time away I have joined a roller derby team! I completely love it! It is fun and good exercise and filled with a great bunch of girls. I have never taken to something so quickly and cannot stop telling everyone (like all of you!) and inviting them to join! I can find ways to bring it up in any conversation with anybody.

I wish I was this way when I was talking about my faith. I can tell 5 or 6 people in one day about how much I love derby and not tell one how much I love Jesus and more importantly how much He loves them.

I wonder if I'm being unfair to myself, because it's not easy to bring up faith, but when you compare it to an somewhat obscure sport (esp here) like roller derby, I have to admit there has to be a lot more chances. I'm just not looking. I have convinced myself that the way to share God's love is through my actions but how will they ever know the reason why I act the way I do if I never tell them? I also worry about being pushy. We have freedom of speech here but that does not guarantee people will want to listen. Not only do they not listen, it's common to be put down for your christian beliefs.

So what do I do then? I read this one book once, Frank Peritti's This Present Darkness which was a really great read that helped give me an idea of how angels and demons might work amongst us. There was this one part in it that always stuck with me, when this youth was having a conversation with the pastor and noticed that all the pastor's conversations eventually lead to talk of Jesus b/c that was the center of that man's life and it all always led back to him. I've always wanted to be like that.

I think if I focus more and more on God it will come more naturally. If He really does become my center everything will lead to Him. I'll just have to make sure I'm listening to God. He'll give me openings and the words to say if I let Him. And I think I'll start rereading those books in the Bible about the early churches, they have a lot of wisdom and not just for new Christians. I'll leave with a verse that recently struck a chord within me.


Ephesians 1:19-20

New Living Translation (NLT)

19 I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms.

God is Speaking

So I've been reading this book called "I Dared to Call Him Father" by Bliquis Sheikh, which is a story of a Muslin woman who came to know God and how that affected her life. The story is really incredible and I find myself wanting to be like her.

She seemed to have a direct connection to the God hotline. She talked of how one day when she called her house church and said she was not going that night, she instantly had bad feelings about it. Then when she decided to go and called again, she felt a weight lifted off her. Another time she planned on not doing her devotions the next morning because she had such a long day and that night had trouble sleeping and had a bad day the next day. God was letting her know what He required of her and I was wishing He was so clear in my life.

Then I realized that He is, I've just been ignoring it. If I miss church I do feel bad and not as good, I just manage to forget or push those feelings aside. Same with doing my devotions. I find that my miserable and busy days are all days I haven't done my devotions.

God is speaking to me and I am sure you everyday we are just so busy we don't pay attention. Those feelings of unease before you do something you shouldn't or feelings of assurance for other things, is God's way of communicating. Though be careful, you're feelings can also be mislead and tempted. It is important to use the guidebook (a.k.a Bible) God has provided because He wrote it all down in there and just uses are feelings as a way of reminding us if we are not too busy to listen.

I'd also like to say my bad days aren't punishment from God for neglecting His word. They happen because without daily connection with God I am off balance. When I put God first in my life it makes everything else better, even the bad stuff. With God first I remember there is no problem too big for my God and that He is always there for me. More about that another time though.

Have a good Sunday! I know I am!

Times - Tenth Avenue North

I know I need you
I need to love you
I love to see you, and it's been so long
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you
And I need to hear you
Is that so wrong?

oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh

Now you pulled me near you
When we're close I fear you
Still I'm afraid to tell you
All that I've done
Are you done forgiving?
Or can you pass my pretending?
Lord I'm so tired of defending
What I've become
What have i become?

oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.

I hear you say "my love is over,
It's underneath, it's inside, it's in between
The times you doubt me, when you can't feel
The times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
The times you've broken, the times that you mend
The times you hate me and the times that you bend
Well my love is over, its underneath
It's inside, it's in between,
These times you're healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and attempted to steal
In times of confusion and chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
I'm there through your heartache
I'm there in the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone
I don't care where you've fallen, where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends, it never ends

mmm, mmm
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Jesus and Barabbas

For my first real post I want to talk about something I read over the summer. It's a Max Lucado book called "No Wonder They Called Him Savior". The book is really focused on the cross and what Jesus did for us all there and is a great book for new believers.



One part that really stood out to me was a part about Barabbas. Barabbas was a man in prison on death row during Jesus' time and convicted of murder. I assume he didn't have much hope and knew his end was coming quickly and then something so unbelievable happened. Pilate gave the Jews a choice between Jesus and Barabbas for who to release. One of them would get freedom and one a painful death on the cross. Of course we all know what their answer was, Jesus died and Barabbas was free to go.

I had never really thought about this whole scene much before until I read this book and I cannot believe what I missed! Jesus died in place of Barabbas. It's a perfect example of what Christianity is all about. Christ dies for us who are unworthy. It just amazes me thinking about it.

Now Barabbas was given a choice, he could accept this gift and leave his cell and live out the rest of his life or he could stay there, refusing it because he could not understand how this happened. Not much of a choice, of course he took his freedom! "Maybe he didn't understand it and surely he didn't deserve it, but he wasn't about to refuse it".

This is also part of the story of Christianity. With Jesus dying for our sins, the door to our prisons are open wide yet there are many people who refuse to leave. Some because they refuse to see and some because they cannot understand it. Thinking about the example of Christianity in the Barabbas story really helped put things into perspective. I've been a Christian since I was a child and I know that I can take this amazing gift for granted. This story helps remind me of what a precious gift God's grace is and how undeserving we all are to have it. I hope I never forget and take it for granted again! This story also reminds me that though there are questions that I do not have answered and might never have answered, sometimes I just need to use a little faith. Walk in faith, write in faith, live in faith!

The Hows and The Whys

Hi there,

This is my first post and I wanted to explain the whys and hows of this blog a bit more. This blog is not me trying to convert people or start debates. This is just me sorting through my thoughts about God and faith and my christian walk. Sometimes I will have questions I am trying to work through, sometimes I'll have something to share that has just blown my mind in amazement and sometimes there will just be a Bible verse or song lyrics or quote that has really touched my heart. I am not saying my way is the right way, I'm just saying what I believe. I welcome comments and answers to my questions and do hope that I what I have to say is helpful and a good read.

I also figured out I should start with what exactly my beliefs are. I believe that Jesus Christ in God's son, sent to the world to save us from our sins by dying on the cross even though I, along with everyone else, do not deserve it. I am saved by God's great grace. I believe now as a Christian I am called to serve God and follow Him in all I do. I am far from perfect and never will be even close but I still do my best and I know that someday I will meet Him in heaven and hope to hear Him say "Well done, my good and faithful servant".